A Qualitative Analysis of Scarlett Johansson’s Illustrious Dating History
About this morning, news broke that Bobby FlayвЂ”aka hamburgler fuccboi, aka вЂњthis sandwich wonвЂ™t bite, we promiseвЂќ guy, aka wait, is he likely to prepare this kitty cat?вЂ”may or may possibly not be dating celebrity of these Certified Fresh movies as Chef and Topher Grace-masterwork, In Good business: the main one, truly the only, the Scarlett Johansson.
Scarlett Johansson is 32-years-old, and perhaps the most breathtaking ladies on our planet. SheвЂ™s also a fabulous actress, and something of the very most bankable movie movie stars in Hollywood. Her in Translation? Unbelievable. Her neuroticism that is free-spirited in Christina Barcelona and Match aim? First class. And HeвЂ™s Simply Not That Towards You. That has been a film that has been made as soon as.
Bobby Flay, having said that, is 52. HeвЂ™s a Food Network celebrity. Along with his name feels like the version that is generic of title that gets offered at Walgreens for half the purchase price.
The math was done by me. IT DOESNвЂ™T ADD UP. (I ALSO DONвЂ™T KNOW HOW EXACTLY TO DO MATH!)
Thus I asked myself a tremendously question that is simple asked myself for completely different purposes virtually every early early morning since November:
How did we arrive here? And much more especially: if they’re certainly datingвЂ”which, who knowsвЂ”how did Scar Jo get here?
Below, IвЂ™ve compiled an incomplete directory of Scarlett JohanssonвЂ™s paramours, in approximately order that is chronological. This may assist us get yourself a better image of whatвЂ™s going on here.
2002Scarlett Johansson dated Fun. guitar player, Bleachers man and time that is otherwise big producer Jack Antonoff for just two years in senior high school, during the expert ChildrenвЂ™s class (the following is a photo associated with the valedictorian).
2004AScarlett Johansson ended up being romantically associated with Jude that is 31-year-old Law then 12 years her senior. She additionally had intercourse with Benicio del Toro in a elevator during the Chateau Marmont, which will be precisely the types of thing individuals whoвЂ™ve never ever gone to the Chateau Marmont (me) would expect you’ll take place in the Chateau Marmont. She ended up being apparently seeing Patrick Wilson, too. There is certainly a pattern right right here: older dudes.
2005She includes a fling with notorious ladyвЂ™s guy Jared Leto, therefore starting her dudes that are age-appropriate.
2005-2007Johansson dates Josh that is perma-teen-hearthrob Hartnett couple of years. ItвЂ™s her very first relationship that is real Antonoff in вЂ02.
2008-2011Our woman goes directly from Hartnett to Ryan Reynolds, who she marries. ItвЂ™s a pretty move taste-wise that is lateral.
2011Scarlett gets divorced and would go to Mexico with Sean Penn.
2012Scarlett begins dating Nate Naylor, a brand new york ad exec whom, based on people who know him, has an eye fixed for risquГ© art and appears like Morrissey in the prime. ThatвЂ™s praise that is high a normal individual to get. For contextualization benefit, IвЂ™ve just ever been when compared with Matthew Perry, but less during their prime, and much more during the years he had been coked down on Friends.
2012-2016Scarlett dates, then marries, then divorces French journalist/editor Romain Dauriac.
2017Scarlett ended up being connected to SNL Weekend modify co-host Colin Jost as belated as might, which everybody else type of universally agrees to be always a win that is huge Colin Jost. And today, finally, it can be Flay’s change.
Okay, time and energy to come back to our question that is original did we arrive here?
Well, after meticulously Homeland-ing my whole room with photos and magazine clippings and different-colored yarnsвЂ”i purchased the spools during the Yarn shop, it is a placeвЂ”we arrived up utilizing the after explanation. IвЂ™ve used dashes to separate your lives the points, in order to maintain.
-2002 to roughly 2005 we are able to essentially discount as a result of Scarlett Johansson being a newly famous 19-year-old starlet in Hollywood. It absolutely was, as people state, a stage. Completely understandable behavior. Particularly doing del Toro in a elevator. It was basically a rite of passage to have sex with del Toro in a hotel lift if you were a starlet between the ages of 19-24 between 2003-2006.* I am talking about, you dudes have observed 21 Grams, right?
*Backed up by zero proof.
-2005 to 2011 is much just about the вЂњOh delay we can essentially date any guy i would likeвЂќ stage. We have Hartnett. We have Reynolds. Two severe relationships with two really dudes that are traditionally good-looking.
-2011 (cont.): Classic rebound situation, going from somebody who smiles on a regular basis (Reynolds) to somebody whoever face is kind of stuck in a permanent snarl (PennвЂ™s face).
-2012 to 2016 discovers Scarlett with two good-looking effective dudes (Naylor and Dauriac) who will be nonetheless maybe perhaps not part of the Hollywood elite. After dating actors for way too long, that is a departure that is reasonable. Plus, hot execs that are creative the actors of normal individuals.
-Post-divorce, 2017 is probably ScarlettвЂ™s most interesting 12 months to date. Jost is sort of a throwback into the clean-cut Reynolds-esque actors. And Flay feels as though the outcome of a) returning to her 19-year-old older-guy-phase; and b) starring in Chef in 2014. Her toggling involving the two is unique, yet also predictable: sheвЂ™s been toggling between a Jost and a Flay in one single means or another her whole dating life.
For reasons uknown, IвЂ™m 76% yes sheвЂ™ll date Anthony Bourdain next.
Sam Eichner likes literary works, truth tv and their cats that are twin. He’s got consistently been told he requires a shave since he began growing hair that is facial.